Self Care… and Self Love. Somewhere within the past month or so these two things became HUGE. I was talking to my best friend about her recent weight loss journey and the conversation steered in my direction and I told her “I don’t want to focus on my weight or how I look anymore… it’s too damn stressful. Who the hell am I competing with??” We laughed and continued our conversation where I continued to tell her “I just want of focus on being healthy, with out the pressure. Self – care.” And the moment I said it, it felt right. The moment I think about dieting or looking good for a certain event I start to feel anxiety… guess what I do when I feel stressed… EAT. Hello Yo-yo dieting… I can’t let myself be discouraged or obsessive.
Battling with some of the depression I’ve been dealing with for the last couple of months has made one thing clear to me. If you don’t address it, it only gets bigger. That’s the way things are with almost everything in life. I’ve GOT to do something about the mental stress that I’ve been under… I can’t live like this. I’ve got to learn how to take care of myself (in a healthy way) while I’m taking care of my kids. And to do this I have to make things manageable long term. Self- care.
Self – Love. Loving myself. Loving my life. And being the best version of myself has so much more to do with than my weight. It has to do with me embracing who I am and loving myself in spite of the things I don’t like and surrounding myself with people who do the same. It has to do with extending myself the same grace that I would feel the need to extend to others. Speaking nicely to myself. Eating better and exercising and being kind to myself when I’m human and mess up. Relaxing when my boys stumble and realizing that they’re kids and that’s what kids do… everything is not a direct reflection of my parenting skills. Breathing and relaxing. And so much more.
Here’s what I know. I am not a brain surgeon… someone’s life is not hanging in the balance if I mess up. So if I do… I’ll adjust, fix the problem and continue moving forward. That’s it. No guilt. No negative self talk. Just getting myself back on track and correcting my mistake.
Actively loving myself will show the boys how to do the same thing. Being kind to myself and speaking kindly to myself will become habit and the boys will learn through me. Taking care of myself and being a healthier (See? I didn’t say skinnier) version of myself will show the boys how to be active and healthier versions of themselves. These are all such important things for them to know. I will work on treating myself the way I’d want them to treat themselves. It may be a little odd and forced in the beginning… but these are habits I can’t afford not to form.
I will also continue to surround myself with people who support my journey with the same kindness and love that is so essential for me right now. My best guy friend likes to tell me to leave certain people alone because “(insert person) is not your people.” It always makes me smile. But on this journey it really does mean so much. My circle is pretty small… but my people, my village, my family and FRamily… are all I’ve got. They’ve been hearing me say “self-care and self-love” this past month and watched me while I post motivating meme’s to myself and began rooting for me (the wonderful way they do)… My best friend has even began sending memes to me when she sees one that works for my journey. They don’t 100% understand it but they know I’m trying to get to the other side of all of this and they are cheering for that. It will be a continuous journey. But I’m excited to see where I end up.