How long has it been friends? A couple of years I think… since I’ve written on this page. How is that even possible!? Life… has been “LIFING” as they say. I’ve traveled… Jamaica, Dominican Republic, Mexico (3 times)… camping, on a cruise with the boys… I’ve been living. And that’s the goal right? To live this life we’ve been given. To enjoy ourselves as much as we do the work. I am a greeter at church, a team mom… BJ is playing his last year of little league football and his first year of middle school ball AT THE SAME TIME. B2 is playing 8U football and I’m the team mom for his team. We’ve been BUSY… My sister (have I mentioned I have a twin sister before?) moved to Dallas last February or March. It’s been better than I could have imagined. Just having someone there… another set of hands, eyes, companionship. I try to make sure that I’m balancing my social desires with respecting the fact that she’s not here to be a live in babysitter… She relocated for work and it just made sense for her to live with us, to save money for a bit and get used to living in Dallas before stepping out. I can say without hesitation that when she leaves the boys and I will definitely feel it. She has morphed into BJ’s person. He’s a bit of a introvert… he loves his people but he’s not super open until he works through things in his brain a bit. I’ve found that he goes to my sister a bit sooner than me and I’m so happy he has her. They’re close. She’s always had a soft spot for BJ… it’s been good for him. I’ve seen him grow so much more. He’s taller than me now… I knew it would happen but, at TWELVE??
B2 is still the charismatic little tornado he’s always been. He’s 9 now. He’s mostly a big boy now, unless he’s not feeling well or not feeling himself. Then he becomes my cuddle bug. He still holds my hand from time to time. But those moments are fewer and fewer. He’s very much into his appearance. He wants the latest things… he watches YouTube and then comes to tell me what he needs me to buy. It’s hilarious to see the differences between the two.
“Momming” is still exhausting, and beautiful and rewarding and amazing… I’m still single. I’m ready for a partner and companionship. But I’m willing to wait for the right person. I’m dating. But the sparks just haven’t been right. Timing hasn’t been right. Compatibility just hasn’t been right… and I’m not pushing it. I’m waiting. I truly want the boys to have a period of time where they get to see me in a functional relationship. But, realistically, I’m not very sure that’s going to happen. I’m making peace with that. God will provide. God has provided. And I have to allow that to be enough.
Just checking in. I’m not making promises to be back very soon. But we are okay. We’re living… moving forward, making memories. So far, I feel like I’m actually doing okay. Pray for me as we head into the pubescent teenage years with BJ… I want to get things right. Build his self esteem and self respect and make sure his values and actions are in line. I want to make sure my black baby boy stays on the straight and narrow and I’m not sure how to pull that off. But, I haven’t known how to pull things off thus far and we’ve made it ok. So, I have faith that we’ll make it through the up coming years successfully as well.
Until next time… Kris.
Fighting For my Sunshine 
Praying for you and your sweet boys! My oldest just moved out; he was 12 when his dad passed away. I am consistently amazed by how far God brought us and how he filled in the gaps when I couldn’t do everything. It sounds like you’re doing well; keep fighting for sunshine!!’