Welp, my goal to have at least two posts a month did not happen in February. But, here I am in March back at it. I’m also back on the market guys! The guy I fleetingly mentioned in January is no longer in the picture (that was fast!). One of my major worries about getting into a relationship (post widowhood) was the breakup. Now, I wouldn’t call myself a negative person, I’d prefer to say that I’m a realistic person. And realistically most relationships end in breakup. Whether it happens in a few months or a few years, break ups tend to happen, by breakup or divorce. The statistics don’t lie! Anyways, back to my worry about breaking up, my worry was that I would basically have to get used to being alone again and that it would be harder to be alone after a liaison. Could I go through a heartbreak again after losing B? Could I handle going back to not having a person after finally finding one? Well the best thing that came out of that short stint of coupledome was… I found out I could. I’M FINE!! Or at the very least I’m about as fine as I was prior to getting cuffed during cuffing season.
I also realized that dating at almost 40 is so incredibly different than dating at 25 (the age I was when I met B). There is something so liberating about knowing yourself, having life experiences and knowing what you need to be happy while dating. I knew myself at 25 but I didn’t have much life experience at that age. I didn’t know what I needed in a relationship to be my best self and I wasn’t good at communicating my needs when necessary. Well hellooooo therapy hours!! I definitely saw them at play during my small intertwinement. I was able to effectively communicate, set boundaries and then step away when those needs and boundaries weren’t met. Did I have some sadness? Sure! Who wouldn’t?? I’d let my guard down and gotten my hopes up. But do I regret it? Not in the least!! I dipped my toe back in the water and was open and available to creating something with someone. I wasn’t a complete hot mess (any one who knows me knows there will always be at least a little hot mess sprinkled in there like paprika) but I wasn’t a flaming hot mess so… I’ll take it!
I love love… I’m open to receiving it from the right person. And I’m also open to being single until I meet that person. However long it takes (God in heaven PLEASE let it be sooner than later though).
So that’s it! That’s my update. I had a break up y’all!! And because life has ‘learned me’ a thing or two I’m smiling about it.
Also… I tried to use as many terms for “couple” as I could in this post. LOL. Did you catch that?
#stillfighting
Fighting For my Sunshine 