My Sunshine…

Every mom sings to their baby. Because the reality of it is, babies don’t know whether your tone deaf or not. Babies can’t make faces or tell you to be quiet, so they’re a wonderful audience if you think about it. I’ve been singing to BJ since he was in the womb. My favorite song of choice? You are my sunshine… It started out as just a lullaby that I knew. No real significance. Just a song that I knew all of the words to.

When we started our NICU journey the song took on a whole new meaning. “You’ll never know dear, how much I love you, so please don’t take my sunshine away”. I hummed it to him, and sung that song just about every day. When I was able to hold him, I’d rock him and sing it to him anytime I was overly stressed, or a test came back irregular. It became a kind of prayer in the form of a song…

When I got to the part of taking my sunshine away, with tears glistening in my eyes… I’d beg Jesus. Please don’t take him.

And He didn’t. I still love singing him that song. We have a bath time ritual. I bathe BJ, let him play in the bathtub until he says “up”, which means he’s ready for me to get him out of the tub and wrap him in a big bath sheet. I cover him up until I can only see his face, he wraps his arms around my neck and we sit and rock while I rub him slowly to dry him off. Two year olds don’t sit still often so I cherish this time… With the lights low he becomes my little baby again. We rock and he nuzzles my neck and cuddles in his big bath towel. I sing him “You are my sunshine” and he replies “again mommy,” and I sing it over and over until his requests for a repeat stop.

 But last night was different, when I finished, he began to sing it to me. I haven’t cried while singing that song since he came home from the NICU. But hearing him stumble through the little words and sing my prayer/song was more than my emotional heart could take.

Last night we came full circle again. We have those moments every once in a while.  BJ will do something or say something and I’ll stop and thank God for his health and his happiness.

It’s a song… a song that mom’s will sing to kids until the end of time. But last night, it was an answered prayer.  

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