Finding BJ’s voice


I came across this phrase and it literally brought tears to my eyes. BJ hit his terrible twos ages ago. Working a extremely stressful job, being a graduate student and trying my damnedest to be a good wife, mother and homemaker is exhausting to say the least. Reading that one sentence made me pause and think, what does my little boys voice sound like?
Is it quiet and timid? Of course not, there’s nothing quiet and timid about anyone in our home. Is it loud and demanding? Loud? Probably… The noise levels in our home tend to straddle the line between semi loud to screaming from bedroom to bedroom because its easier than walking room to room (I know I know, just lazy).
But most importantly, is it confident? Is it determined? Is there a smile in its voice? Thats what I want his inner voice to sound like. And admittedly, I’ve got to work on my patience to ensure that its just that. It can be so easy to fuss… I’m a mother, somehow with birth I developed the ability to fuss and nag like nobodies business. But what am I truly accomplishing? Is a sink full of clean dishes worth compromising my baby’s self confidence? Is one more load of laundry or a spot free floor worth sacrificing the wonderful energetic squeels that I’m sure to hear if we play the game he loves for the millionth time in a row? Never.
Today I let the laundry sit on the table, took some acetaminophen ( to kill the stress headache I’d gotten at work) and me and my adorable little guy played jump up and down and sit down. We jumped and we sang and we laughed… We even got Dear Hubby to abandon game 7 of the NBA finals for a few minutes to jump too. And I loved every stinking minute.
I hope to think about this sentence before I command him to have a seat because I’m tired and need some quiet time. I hope to instead continue to focus on letting him be little… Embracing his desire to play with mommy and daddy while it lasts and make sure that his inner voice is a voice that I’m comfortable with him hearing until he’s 100 years old.

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