Today was the first day of football practice for this season. BJ moved up to tackle and this year B2 took the field for flag. Both boys are now in football. B2 is one of the youngest on the team but the coach said he did better than a lot of kids who start at this age.
I got them to practice. Watched Bryson run and ask questions and keep the parents who were watching laughing (in his usual outspoken manner)… Stopped for fast food (don’t judge me) got them home dumped them in the shower… Rushed them to eat and then upstairs for prayers and bed. It was a marathon. And as I hugged BJ and told him goodnight the words “your dad would be so happy if he were here right now” fell out of my heart and then out of my mouth. I didn’t even realize I was thinking it until I’d said it. And my heart… broke a little.
Along came the sadness that accompanies most milestones. Byron isn’t here to see it. My University of Alabama football playing husband isn’t here to see his boys start their journey. As BJ reminded me “he can see us from heaven mommy” My heart… broke more.
And even though I tell myself that I have GOT to stop doing the “if Byron were here” thing… I can’t. So I post my obligatory pictures on Instagram to document the day… Climb into bed and cry… It’s not fair. We should be laying in bed talking and laughing about how today went. I should have been able to see him beam with pride that his boys are playing his game. But he’s not here.
And I know that the same way it got easier when BJ started Pre-K and kindergarten and soccer and basketball and flag football… I’ll get used to it. The next practice will be easier and the sting will lesson.
I know that the tears always subside.
Until the next milestone.