The Holidays

And oddly enough it’s Christmas time again. It feels like it was just Christmas a couple of months ago. This year Christmas feels a little different than it has the past few years. I wouldn’t say I’m engulfed in the Christmas spirit. But I would say I’m excited to see the boys faces this year. And I’m not dreading it. The past few of years I’m approached the holidays with the “go through it to get through it” mentality. I just put my head down, bought the presents, put the tree up and pushed my way through to the other side… Then I’d stumble through the next few days, make it to New Years Eve and cry myself through midnight. Another year, by myself, with these two kids… doing everything I can to make them happy while I was miserable on the inside.

This Christmas just feels different. I love giving gifts, being with my family and extended family, and embracing the warmth of the holiday season. This year I’ve been able to focus on that more. BJ is excited and B2 is taking his brother’s lead and is excited also. Though they wear me out still they are getting older and a little easier to manage. Life doesn’t feel like quite the uphill battle. And maybe having a little more room to breathe has been part of what I needed in order to be able to think a little more clear. And feel a little more rejuvenated.

We’re going to go look at Christmas lights this week. And I’m going to let the boys make some cookies and ornaments and we’ll submerge ourselves in this holiday…

And hopefully this year will be the year that I won’t just look happy, I’ll actually BE happy.


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