Work… I found out about two months ago that my job was going to be moving me to another position. It was a semi lateral move due to a change the company is going through but according to everyone I work with this was going to be the best move for me. My nerves were frazzled but I didn’t really have much of a choice so I made the move. So far, the change has been amazing. I have a nice office, co workers, no micromanaging and I realized that I work a lot better without distractions. This has been an amazing change for me. The distance to and from work is about the same (dang it!). But that’s okay because my hours are incredibly flexible. All in all I haven’t found anything that I don’t like about it. It’s a relaxed environment and I do well in that kind of setting.
The boys… Doing pretty awesome. So far, this school year has been so different than last year. We’ve been doing school work at home Monday – Friday and reading to get BJ caught up. I haven’t been feeling anxious and worried. I’ve been relaxing into this second grade year. B2 is growing up. He turned Four a couple of weeks ago and I can see his baby face starting to slip away. I rocked him a couple of nights ago because he climbed into my lap and I couldn’t help but wonder how many more times I’d get to do it. They’re growing… and they’re happy and they make my heart so full.
Getting back on the Market… I had date number three with a new guy. This guy takes me on the most creative dates I’ve ever been on. He’s super nice. He has two boys that are near my boys ages and seems to be intentional with his actions. It’s a breath of fresh air. It’s been quite a while since I met someone who wanted to “date.” I’m trying to take things slow so I can see the red flags a little easier. We have the same on and off weekends with the kids… so the every other week lag has definitely helped in that department. I think the hardest part of it all is feeling like all areas are supposed to be great in order to continue moving forward. I don’t necessarily expect perfection. I think, instead I don’t want to feel like I’m compromising in an area that could affect my future happiness. I’m still trying to work out the kinks in that whole thought process… but project ‘getting back on the horse’ is coming along.
Widow issues… I made it through what should have been my sixth wedding anniversary a couple of weekends ago. No one remembered it was my anniversary except my best friend. I know that eventually I will be the only one who acknowledges the days that mean a lot to me. And I suppose I have to ready myself for that. But this year… it hurt. It took real effort to let that go. I laid in bed crying for most of the morning… and then took the boys to meet my two closest friends for breakfast and that was that. All in all, except for the occasional tear or two I made it through the day.
Life in general is coasting a long. I’m still hoping for less than mediocrity. More than existence and survival… I pray for abundance in all of the things that are good and fulfilling.