We pray every night. We ask God to cover all that is special to us, we thank him for all of our blessings, and in those prayers we thank God for each other. I can’t begin to thank God enough for the blessings that are the both of you. The night before last B2, you had a small fever. The weather is changing and your little body is feeling it. I’d put you to bed and you were sound asleep but I hadn’t remembered to give you medicine. So I went upstairs and leaned across your brother (you are still determined to sleep in the same twin bed together) and woke you up. Your eyes were still half closed and I whispered, take this medicine baby. You quickly took the medicine and laid down without waking all the way up and said “What about brother? Where’s brother’s medicine?” and then fell back asleep. And this scenario encompasses all that is the both of you.
I spend so much time telling BJ, “Don’t worry about what your brother is doing! Do what I asked you to do…” and then remembering that you’re doing exactly what I’ve instructed you to do since B2 was born… look after your brother. When B2 hurts himself I’ve seen him run to you. And you put your arms around him and comfort him. He looks at you with awe. You’re everything he wants to be when he grows up and it makes me so incredibly happy. The two of you have conversations together, and compete against who does what the fastest, you play football together and games on the tablet, and on Saturday mornings you play upstairs for hours. And the laughs… And the chasing… and yes even the arguments… solidify so many things in my mind and my heart.
You are your brother’s keeper.
I tell you all the time, “you’re all you got.” And I mean it. If nothing changes. If I raise you boys alone from start to finish. If you never receive the blessing of a father figure. You will need to lean on each other while you go through the errors that will befall young men who are having to learn by trial and error. And I want you to be there for each other. Stand beside each other and protect each other. Always have each other’s backs.
I can’t put into words how much I love being the mom of the two of you. I smile during the day sometimes thinking about the antics you’ve done the day prior. I show your pictures to any and everyone because you just make my heart full and I want everyone to see my boys.
This has not been easy. I loose my patience. I get “fus-ter-ated” as BJ would say and sometimes I loose my cool. Please know that I’m trying my hardest. That there’s nothing you can do to make me love you less. And that I’m learning how to be a mom at the same time as I’m being one… and sometimes I fail. I do the wrong thing or I say the wrong thing. I want you to know that even if it doesn’t look like it sometimes… you make me happier than I could ever be. God knew what he was doing when he gave me the both of you. You give me purpose. And I’ll never give up on you. I’ll always do my best.
You are my sonshines…
Mommy loves you…