I’m going to be 100% real with you… I suffer from anxiety/depression. It’s only affected my life for the past 2 years or so. I’m amazing at masking it but found it harder and harder to do for the past couple of years. The changes were subtle. So subtle that I didn’t really realize what was going on at first. And then as any type A personality does I decided I could handle it myself. So I set about the task of fixing how I was feeling. I tried natural supplements, writing, reading self help books (I still do this) and nothing worked. NOTHING.
Everything set me off. I was in whoa is me mode 90% of the time. I did what was necessary, faked the rest and then went to sleep. The boys are still my source of inspiration… I want so much for them that giving up completely has never been an option. But what I did notice was that I had given up on myself. I’ve gained about 15 pounds this past year. The thought of doing anything that involves looking a certain way makes me cringe… and my self confidence has been the lowest I’ve ever known it to be. These are things I can change.
So, I went to the doctor… she prescribed therapy (because I haven’t gone since Byron died)… and medicine to help me feel a little better. I prescribed myself… some gym time to get my self confidence in check and take better care of my health and a better diet. I’ve noticed positive changes since my appointment. I don’t feel as mad or sad and I handle the kids a little gentler. Things I would normally snap at I’m able to take a deep breath and speak calmly with love about.
My sister told me years ago that I should look into an antidepressant. I scoffed… I don’t NEED that. I’m strong I can make it through all of this without any of that. But knowing where you’re weak is when you’re really strong.
I’m looking forward to a more balanced life. Getting a little more centered… And becoming a better version of myself no matter how I get there.
If we don’t talk normalize the stigma surrounding mental health and depression people will not get help. This is me. Normal. Sometimes anxious and depressed. A widow. Not perfect. Dealt a shitty hand. But dealing with it the best way I know how.