I've written before about this time of year, the time of year leading up to the day the bottom fell out. Somewhere in between BJ's birthday and February I start feeling like my nerve endings are starting to fray. Everything I touch I feel, like I've been partially holding my breath because I can't quite… Continue reading The grief monster
The Anxiety Effect
I'm going to be 100% real with you... I suffer from anxiety/depression. It's only affected my life for the past 2 years or so. I'm amazing at masking it but found it harder and harder to do for the past couple of years. The changes were subtle. So subtle that I didn't really realize what… Continue reading The Anxiety Effect
Mother’s Day… a rambling post LOL.
Mother's Day was last weekend... and down the rabbit hole I went. I'm not sure when I'll ever get to a family holiday and not miss Byron, not think about what should have been... I should have had breakfast cooked for me and spent the day irritated that Byron went to work even though it… Continue reading Mother’s Day… a rambling post LOL.
Here we are…
I look at my youngest and think about how fast time is flying and how quickly his toddler days are going by and my brain flashes back to when he was an infant. I think about how confused and tired and overwhelmingly sad I was during that time. Being widowed while pregnant was such an… Continue reading Here we are…
Happy New Year #2018
When the clock struck midnight this year I was laughing... LAUGHING. Who'da thunk it? I have cried my way into the New Year every single year since B died. There's something sad about starting another year... by yourself. Going into yet another year without a loved one. I remember when I could tell you the… Continue reading Happy New Year #2018
The calm after the storm…
"You are going through the trenches, going at it all alone, with no future to look forward to other than raising those boys. But one day Byron is going to speak to you telling you that you must move forward and get yourself together and at that instance you'll realize that no matter what you must also live for you"...
There are days when I feel like life sucks but I will get through each day step by step... some days I actually feel like I'm doing well at moving forward and doing what needs to be done for my boys and then there are days like today. Where I toss and turn, wake up tired and feel like I'm walking through quick sand all day knowing that instead of looking forward to getting off work at 5pm my day won't end until both boys are in bed. Then wash.Rinse. And Repeat.
Alone in my thoughts
It takes effort to drudge up enough give a damn to actually give a damn.