This is my first letter to you. One of what probably will be hundreds. I’m not writing this letter for any particular reason other than to tell you how much I love you and that I am so incredibly grateful God blessed me with you. When I think of your short time on this earth (almost 5 months) my mind spins at how fast it’s gone by. It seems like just yesterday your daddy and I had decided we wanted one more boy. And now almost a year later you’re here.
I want you to know how much you remind me of your dad. You have his facial expressions and his smile. You have his hands, his cheeks, his heavy eyelids, his knees, feet and hair. You’re absolutely beautiful and your joy is contagious. You smile at any and everything and only cry when you’re hungry or uncomfortable. Your dad would be so proud of you. I can imagine his chest stuck out at the mere mention of his boys.
It makes me sad to know that you and he were not able to meet. But I truly believe he had the chance to see you before I did, and that he held your spirit in Heaven while we were waiting for your arrival on Earth. I imagined him playing with you, loving and kissing you all day. I was so scared to become a mommy of two boys… I made a bargain with your dad one day while I was pregnant with you. I told him that I’d tell him when I was ready for you. And that when I was he could give me you and I’d care for you from then on. I needed time to prepare mentally for what was in store and I was scared you’d come very early like your big brother did. I finally became ready on September 7th. I was sitting at home, Big Brother was at school, and I whispered to your dad… “Okay babe, I’m ready… I can do this… you can give him to me now.” I delivered you two days later.
I can’t promise you that things will be easy. You have no idea right now that daddy isn’t here. You don’t know what happened shortly after you were conceived. But one day you will. One day you’ll realize that your family looks different than a lot of others and that your daddy lives in Heaven while your friend’s dads live on Earth. I’ll walk you through that… we’ll talk about daddy. I’ll show you pictures and videos and my prayer is that you always know that he loved you even when you were in my belly.
I love you so much baby boy. You brought so much joy to my life and to the rest of our family. I can’t wait to see what your personality is like. I cant wait to watch you crawl, walk and play with your brother. You and your brother are my reason for living and I will do everything within my power to make sure that you grow to be a healthy, happy and honorable young man.
I love you honey,